George Bernard Shaw

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world.

In a hospital they throw you out into the street before you are half cured, but in a nursing home they don't let you out till you are dead.

Progress

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

Tax

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

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